Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Open letter...

This next post shall be extremely personal and maybe even a bit revealing of who I am and how I act. It's not pretty. You have been warned. You might be asking "why is this is public?" and let me assure you that there is a good reason. I acted like a jackass in public and therefore owe my wife a public apology.

Erin, I commend you on the fact that you didn't murder me while slept. I am grateful for another day in which I can utter those three simple words, "I am sorry".

I am sorry that I am a selfish and stubborn man who often times gets more caught up in his own world that he completely fails to see the impact that his decisions make on the lives of those he loves. I am sorry that I throw 2 year old hissy fits when I don't get my way. I am sorry that I am a bad example to our children (and to other random people walking through a crowded mall) of what it means act with dignity and respect.

I am sorry that I am lazy and thoughtless. I am sorry that I fail to see the big picture more often. I am sorry that you must continually put up with my apologies and my faults and my constant failures. I am sorry that my marital communication skills have not been an area that I have been willing to work on. I am sorry that I have taken you for granted time and time again.

You are the glue that holds are family together and I am grateful for that. However, that is not an excuse for me not to do my part. I am sorry that I don't pitch in more. I am sorry for assuming that you'll do things when I don't feel like doing them. I'm sorry for not noticing things that I could do to help out just because I've been too lazy to look for opportunities.

I'm sorry that I haven't had a more humble spirit and a more gracious demeanor with you. I'm sorry for the words that have come from my mouth. I'm also sorry that the right words have failed to come from my mouth.

I ask you now for your forgiveness, but I also commit myself to working on my attitude.

I will work on learning the basic math skills necessary to participate in balancing the books. I will pitch in more regularly around the house. I will find jobs that I can undertake without prompting. I will get involved. I will engage. I will communicate. And I will do so with compassion, love, patience and humility.

I bring this to you in front of others so I can remain accountable. I ask anyone who reads this to kick me in the tukas (that means "rear" in our home) when I'm not holding up my end of the bargain. I ask that you please be friends that can challenge me to be the husband that I am called to be. Send me a copy of this post via email from time to time. Phone me and tell me that I'm an idiot and should treat my wife better. Whatever it may take, please help me.

Erin, I'm sorry. You are a woman who deserves far more than I have to offer. I feel badly that you're stuck with me. I love you. I'm just sorry that my words and actions don't always prove it. I am willing to work on it. I will work on it.

Pardon the proof texting here:

"Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all" - Proverbs 31:29

I love you Erin.


Derek said...

That's a gutsy post right there, Knott. God bless both of you as you work on what it is you touched on.

Kerry said...

Wow. That's a manly post if ever I've read one. Some of those things, I need to have the guts and honesty to say to my wife...

...would it be wrong to just cut and paste?

Im with ya and I've got your back brother.

jon or angie said...

when my kids finally say sorry (after much prodding sometimes) i tell them they've done the hardest thing in the world and i'm proud of them. in a very real sense a four year old saying sorry is a bigger man than a 34 year old with a gun.

hope erin forgives you! you're right, she's a great lady.

Knotter said...

Thanks guys. I'm serious about this and I know this is where I need the help. I'm good at saying it, but terrible with the follow through. So I would definitely appreciate you holding me to this.