Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Honest reflections...

I struggle with how I view myself. I find that I regularly battle the thoughts racing through my head that I'm not good enough. And it's not just the little things like I don't think I'm a good enough guitar player, it's the big ones. The ideas that I'm not a good enough husband, father, pastor.

So, I think it was very fitting that I picked up a copy of Jud Wilhite's "Eyes Wide Open" (book #31 of the year if you're keeping track).

When I got the book I was thinking I would just fly right through it, because it's not very long. But as I started reading I knew I had to spend some time processing because it was hitting close to home. I needed to not just read it....I needed to READ it.

Who am I?

What does God see in me?

How do I fully embrace who he created me to be?

How do I live that out on a daily basis?

I'll admit that I'm usually the first one to try and be something I'm not. I have a tendency to put on the masks so others don't see the real me. I tend to keep people at a distance for some reason.

I'm still trying to figure this all out. I'm not sure where I'll end up some days, but I'm thankful for a patient and loving group of family and friends that surround me.

I've got an extra copy of Jud's book on my shelf that I'd be happy to give away. Leave a comment that has something to do with how you view yourself (good, bad or ugly). I'll pick a random comment next Tuesday afternoon and send you the book.


Mike said...

This was a really good book on this topic for me too. (As was Abba's Child from Brennan Manning.) I can really struggle with this when I begin to put my confidence in myself. Deep down I know I can't "do it myself", but I still want to try sometimes. Instead of trusting Christ in me, I second guess Him and redirect and end up doubting myself. Actually I just posted on my blog this afternoon from a passage in 2 Cor. that was a great reminder to put our confidence in the Spirit within us.

Mike said...

Incidentally, I already have the book, so if you randomly pick my comment (of which I've now doubled the likelihood), go ahead and pick another commenter - this is a great book to share.

Tammy said...

I am the queen for being too judgmental on myself and I am not just saying it to get a free book (though it sounds interesting.) Have you ever heard of the saying "keeping up with the Jones'? That saying is so true for me but it is not materialistic things that I am trying to keep up with. For me, I am always trying so hard to be like the "other Christians" I see. The harder I try, the more I end up feeling like a complete failure. The ironic thing ... the people I am trying to be like are not really acting like themselves either.

Anonymous said...

Good reflections, Mike.
I too resonate with much of what you're feeling. Perfectionism is a struggle for me (It takes me half a week to de-program myself after I attend the Leadership Summit).
I've been working through this stuff over the past couple years with a good friend though - and one of the most helpful books he recommended to me was "Never Good Enough" by Monica Ramirez Basco. It's a psychology based book (which was a much needed change from just the spiritual takes I had been reading) - and honestly, I only made it 3/4 of the way through - but when you think about it, being able to quit a book without finishing it is quite the accomplishment for a perfectionist.

knotter said...

drum roll please...

and the winner is...


email me your address and i'll ship you the book.

and thanks all for sharing!